The Rintrarian Archive

Here is my response to several news articles making their rounds lately.

Getting the Soap Ready
Harper will be sworn in on February 6th and then sworn at until the next election. And possibly people in his own party should be picking out their brand of soap. Harper will have to choose his ministers and those MPs who are not unique enough for a Cabinet position should be ready to use soap.

Alberta versus Winnipeg
The battle of the season. Alberta is setting records with its weather being cooperative in helping them meet their goals. Winnipeg is doing even better. Alberta’s goals are individualistic and serve only on a day-to-day basis. Winnipeg’s records are long standing and are the result of a group effort put forth by several days. Granted Alberta’s goals are being spread more evenly over the whole province and Winnipeg’s serve only the people in the Metropolitan area. But I would venture to say that Winnipeg’s goals have a ripple effect reaching out throughout the province and therefore Winnipeg’s record is better than Alberta’s.

As Long as It does Not Affect my Sleeping Patterns
That is what I would have said if I were still in high school. Some schools want to change the daily timetable. School for me was important because that is where I caught up on sleep. I even had a teacher ask me after classes if I had a good nap. I figure the new schedule would have allowed me to have longer uninterrupted naps. And breaks being 45 minutes? I mean, wow. I could have gotten into 2 or 3 fights in that time and still be able to get something to eat after visiting the emergency room.

Ka-Boom! It’s Air Mail
Police found an “explosive device” in a mailbox. There were actually several of them. But why call it an “explosive devise” and not a bomb. If it looks like a duck, it quacks like a duck etc then it is a bomb. This was not the work of some evil hermit genius. Likely just some punk. Are they scared of getting people all worked up? And if we are not supposed to touch something suspicious then I can’t get my mail. This is because I suspect that my creditors are out to get me and they may stop at nothing. Some of these people are devious. And they operate in a cloak of anonymity.

Snowmobiles, Schmo-mobiles
Call them “boneheads” or idiots, but they are the reason for legislation. I have never said it before but I will say it again, for the first time, if snowmobiles are outlawed then only outlaws will drive snowmobiles. And if I am the victim of highway robbery I want it to be my insurance company. Pre-approval for a root canal takes 3 weeks!!! My fucking tooth hurts now!!!

Bears Gearing Up
The US scoffs at Harper’s plans to arm bears in the True North. But Harper brushes this off. The US has interesting ideas about what should be theirs and Canada should be ready. The Spanish-American war was about liberating Cuba from Spain but things got complicated and the US did not get Cuba. Iraq was about liberating the Iraqi peoples but things are getting complicated. I just hope Canada does not get too complicated. Hopefully the polar bears are not seen as being oppressed and in need of liberation. Is this why Harper is bringing guns to the border (just not across it)? Maybe the Arctic bears will be trained on the Canada-US border and then moved back home when they are ready to defend their territory after they mark it good and proper like.