There is all sorts of shit going on today and everyday but there is one thing for certain: I love my coffee. I am quite particular about my coffee. I buy fair-trade, organically grown coffee beans. I boil the water, grind the beans and let the coffee steep in a French Press (Bistro). Best damn coffee. I have two favourite blends from two different companies – both Canadian companies: “Village Trade” from Salts Springs and “Grizzly Claw” from Kicking Horse Coffee.
But I am rather fucking pissed off. “Espresso” is deemed as being Italian. Espresso was NOT invented by an Italian. Espresso was developed by a Frenchman and the device was later improved upon by an Italian. Then someone else improved it. And then the Italian who first improved it improved it again. It was a fucking group effort. An international effort even.
Yet that is not why I am pissed off. I am upset because coffee itself is being deemed as being Italian. If you don’t believe me, then go to a Starbucks and order something, anything. Or if you are too lazy or are too smart to enter a Starbucks then read this lexicon. Terms like “Americano,” “Caffè Freddo,” “Doppio” and so on. For God’s sake a “doppio” is just a double. Say the word double. If anything you should be speaking any other language except Italian. Try Ethiopian, or Aramaic.
Coffee was not discovered by Italians. Coffee was discovered by Ethiopians and the Arabs held onto it as a treasure. In fact the only reason you or anyone in the non-Arabic states drinks coffee is because someone broke the law and transported it.
In fact, the only think Italians added to coffee was the French Press. An Italian created it. But a Frenchman created espresso. I may take a half-step back here for a second. The Italians did allow one thing to happen. Some Christians wanted to have coffee deemed as “The Devil’s Drink.” The Pope at the time (Vincent III, I believe) said he would not consider it as evil until he tried it. He liked it and called it a “very Christian beverage.” If only the Pope would have considered sex before marriage in the same light.
All making inventions except one were designed by non-Italians. Vacuum pots, percolators, drip coffee makers, and filtration methods (among others) were designed by Americans, Germans, French, Ethiopians, Arabs and the British (in no particular order). To say that Italians are responsible, or even to treat them as if they are, for coffee as we know it is irresponsible. This would be akin to saying that Hitler invented genocide. Genocide is a biblical idea and was ordained by God in the Old Testament. In fact if the Israelites did not kill all of their enemies after a battle they had some terrible mess to deal with, with God. Look beyond what is in front of your fucking face before attributing anything to anyone, whether good or bad.
Starbucks and the other chains of coffee shops who use Italian words for their coffee are puffed-up, self-righteous, arrogant and stupid. I call a pox on the Italian language for over-taking my enjoyment of coffee. Those who frequent these places, while not evil themselves, use the language of infidels. Coffee is meant to be enjoyed, if your only real enjoyment is using a language that has bastardized coffee descriptions then you are a fucking idiot.
I am very particular about what kind of coffee I enjoy but one think is absolutely certain: Coffee, to be enjoyed, is a process and not a language. If espresso is your thing then good for you, just know that espresso is not an Italian idea but rather it is an Italian improvement on a French idea. I like my French-Pressed coffee and I know that the “push-pot” is an Italian invention but that does not mean I need to use the language of arrogant pussies who insist on calling something by an absurd name.
Italy, you have earned my scorn and are now on my list. Starbucks, you have re-earned your status on my list. As for you status-seeking, fucktards who use Italian words for French, German, English, Arabic, and Ethiopian creations, ideas and inventions you are all on my list.
